


1993

by Fhujeth



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: 1990s, Conversations, Friendship, Gen, Historical Hetalia, Historical References, Latvia Plays Therapist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:34:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23120077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fhujeth/pseuds/Fhujeth
Summary: Lithuania and Latvia have a conversation about forgiveness, life, hope, and learning to move on from the past.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 23





	1993

**Author's Note:**

> More of developing Latvia and Lithuania's friendship, exploring forgiveness, and exploring a bit of Lithuania's bad parts and insecurities and weaknesses. I reference a few historical moments but there are no names. If you know your Polish-Lithuanian history it might make more sense but you don't need to know this to enjoy the drabble.

“You’re not happy on your own, are you Lithuania?” Latvia pushed a warm cup of coffee over towards the brunette sitting opposite him at the table, “All of this, independence, dependence, friends, enemies…” Latvia continued, “It pains me to see you stewing in your own misery like this.”

Lithuania sat, listening to every word Latvia was saying, his mind still and calm, yet deep inside he could feel himself screaming for help. His emotions were repressed, trapped inside, only coming out now at seemingly the worst possible times. Lithuania knew this was bad, he knew it wasn’t the right way to live, but being free somehow left so many empty holes in his life. It only escalated further when he had spent that night with Poland. That one, stupid night, with him in Paris.

“I’m fine.” Lithuania picked up his coffee in response, trying not to think too hard about what his fellow Baltic brother had been saying. No words would fix him, he was sure of that. If he could at least pose as fine, he’d be fine. People wouldn’t need to worry about him being fine. “Really.”

Latvia shook his head and it was clear he wasn’t falling for Lithuania’s attitude anymore. “Ever since you’ve declared independence you’ve been…” Latvia stirred his own coffee a bit, “You’ve been different, Lithuania… and not in a good way.” He didn’t want to be too touchy on the subject, “You seem lost.”

Lost.

Lost summed up so many of Lithuania’s feelings since the fall of the Commonwealth all those years ago. He’d been dragged around, manipulated, toyed with, mutilated, handed hope only to have it ripped from his cold, muddy hands. Then, when he did have the glimmer, that shine of hope returned to him, it twisted into a hideous beast and pushed him further into the arms of evil. After that, when all hope seemed lost when evil and madness had consumed him, he’d lost everything, nearly his identity. Lithuania was anything but fine.

“I’m fine, Latvia…” Lithuania reiterated and set his coffee down. “You shouldn’t be worried about me.” Maybe if he got the topic off of himself, onto Latvia, he’d be able to survive the conversation and the two wouldn’t have to talk about this any further. “Things are going well for you now, right?” He forced out a smile.

Latvia’s purple eyes returned nothing but the coldest, emptiest, yet enraged stare in response. The glistening lilac seemed to delve deep past Lithuania’s own emerald eyes and into the very fiber of his body. Latvia didn’t need to say a word and Lithuania knew his statement crossed some sort of line.

“I mean, better, you’re free too… we’re both free. It’s something,” said Lithuania. Latvia’s economy was the worst off of the three Baltic States and he seemed a bit more unsteady as a nation. He’d had on and off fevers, from what Lithuania had been told, and that wasn’t even a part of the currency changes going through their economies. “You’ve been playing those video game things a lot, right?” Lithuania pushed out of his mouth, “Those sound fun--”

Latvia only sighed, “I don’t want to discuss me.” He was firm, “I know you, Lithuania. I’ve known you since I was a kid. How long has it been, 600? 700 years?” He sipped his coffee, “God if I know, maybe longer.” Latvia shrugged, “You’re not okay, that’s why we’re here. You’re my friend, you’re like a brother to me…”

Lithuania watched as Latvia’s unique eyes began to quiver and he did his best to fight back tears. He didn’t want to see Latvia cry, though it wasn’t anything new and he had been caught crying himself, by Latvia, several times before but… “I guess…” Lithuania tried to figure out how to say something, spill his thoughts, anything to stop Latvia from crying, “I don’t know where to go from here… and this stuff with Poland, it’s…” He gave it a long pause, “I’ve spent so much time trying to reflect on our past together, he and I. Something happened to me, something ruined my image of him more than it should have.”

Latvia watched intently while Lithuania began to open up.

“It wasn’t the war.” Lithuania carried on, “I mean, part of it was, but memories of him, I just, started to take him as if he were them.”

“Who?”

“The nobility, the traitors to our empire… the Lithuanians, the Ruthenians, the Poles… the ones that sold us out to Prussia and Austria...and Russia.” Lithuania’s voice fell grim, “I just remember everyone being so fixated on Poland.” His voice suddenly started to get gritty, angry, “Poland this, Poland that. Polish schools, Polish language. Be Polish. Study Polish…”

Before Lithuania realized it he was clenching his teeth, squeezing the coffee cup in his hand so hard it’d become like a vice grip. Everyone had some kind of Polish fever back then. Lithuania could remember it, like it was yesterday. 

“Yet…” Lithuania couldn’t understand what he was feeling. Parts of him felt angry, agitated at the Slavic country for everything… but the other half truly knew that Poland had just as much say in everything too. “Poland didn’t want that. He doesn’t like rules. I know he doesn’t like rules...” Lithuania looked to the side, “We suffered together and paid for our mistakes… together.”

Latvia sipped his coffee, “I’ve watched everything… I’ve always been there alongside both of you, so has Bela, Ukraine…” He put down his cup, “Weak monarchs, weak choices… You two were left powerless and once you two even got a single shred of power back you two chose to clash instead of finding some way to work things out.”

“That bastard…” Lithuania clenched his jaw, he could feel his muscles ache with the force he was using. Poland was the one who couldn’t work things out. All Lithuania wanted was to exist, but Poland had to step in, take things, meddle in things. “He couldn’t leave well enough alone.”

Latvia nodded, “I agree, but you both were running around like chickens without a head.” He had seen more in his life as an occupied land than someone like a once great and powerful empire may have seen, “...and you two did a lot to one another after that, for years.”

“He deserved it.” 

“Did he though?” Latvia sighed, “What he did was wrong… but after that fact, what you did… you were no Saint yourself…”

Lithuania felt every muscle in his body tense up at that and he froze, his breath getting heavy. He could feel himself slipping from control again, terror coursing through his veins. Not at Poland, nor Latvia… but in himself. The world seemed to cave in on Lithuania, memories flooding through his mind like a flood during torrential rainfall. The faces, the people, the blood, the ash.

He could remember himself, rifle in hand, standing amidst the piles of corpses at his feet. This time he hadn’t defended anything from anyone. This time he had been set only to do one thing. Kill. That was right, despite everything. He was a killer.

“So can you really hold such a grudge towards Poland after what you did to him?”

Lithuania leaned forward and gave a vacant stare at his coffee.

“Don’t you think it’s time to move on?”

He had no response to Latvia’s words. What was he supposed to say?

“I think once you stop living in the past, once you learn to embrace that people change…”

Those words cut Lithuania like a sabre and he stood up. “People don’t change. We don’t change.” He nearly growled out the words, “I’ve always been a barbaric, inhuman monster, and the sooner everyone else realizes that the sooner they can just leave me alone.”

“It’s not Poland you’re mad at anymore, is it?” Latvia asked, “You’re still mad at yourself.”

There was a long, awkward silence, but what Latvia said, it didn’t feel like it was far from the truth. He tried, but maybe he hadn’t tried hard enough. Maybe he could have done something different in the scheme of things, maybe he could have worked out a better deal with Poland instead of isolating Estonia and Latvia from the rest of Europe. Maybe he could have been a better person… but he hadn’t been. He slaughtered instead, hoping to eliminate any question of who and what he was.

“But we’re alive.” Latvia reassured him, “We’re here, alive… you’re alive. Not only are we alive, but we’re free.” Latvia smiled, “So we did something right, we’re here, we’re actual nations… and in a way, I owe it to you.”

Lithuania softened a bit. His bold move of declaring independence really did put a dent into the USSR. While it would take others time to follow in those footsteps, Lithuania took the first real step towards it… but he hadn’t been alone in starting the domino effect. He had seen Poland fight back through tanks and threats for nearly a decade before he stood his ground and declared himself a Republic once again… and that action gave Lithuania hope. If Poland could do it, he could too… and in the end, he did.

“You brought hope to a lot of people, Lithuania.” Latvia nervously adjusted his shirt, “You’re a hero to me… you’re not a monster.” He added, “Sometimes we, what we are, what we do… it’s not right. It’s just what we are… but through that fact, we’re still people…”

Lithuania looked down at the floor. Just as Latvia was inspired by himself… he was inspired by Poland. He owed Poland at least that, even after everything they did to one another. Maybe he couldn’t forgive himself, but maybe he could try, just try, to forgive Poland. “Thank you, Latvia…”

Latvia picked up his coffee and finished it, “So what’s say you and me let this conversation sink in and I show you a thing or two about Mario and Luigi while we wait.”

“I--” Lithuania had no idea what any of that meant but nodded, “I’d be happy to.” He smiled weakly.

Even if he couldn’t forgive himself for what he did, he was still able to understand just how influential he had been to others...


End file.
